The Emotional Toll

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Monday, July 1, 2019

By:

Anna Perry

My goal with this internship has been to research past efforts to improve the physics climate so that we can better understand the current climate-- to draw parallels between the world then and the world now. This goal is borne in part from my own negative experiences in physics; I always wanted to know why all of the physics spaces I had encountered were hostile, and my search for answers led me to the past. Digging through past physicists’ correspondences and asking those older than me to share their experience has been my way of understanding what I’ve gone through.

What I did not fully comprehend about this process going in is that it brings up a lot of old, intense emotions. As a raging empath, listening to other people’s stories of discrimination in physics does not just mean following their tale and digesting what they say; it means putting myself in the shoes of the narrator, living their story out in my imagination. When one has already been to these sad places and felt this type of hurt, reliving these stories can be a heavy reminder of humankind’s capacity to hurt.

Wrestling with such emotions has led me to this realization: the cost of hostile physics environments goes far beyond simply losing diverse physicists. There is a spiritual toll taken on all parties involved every time someone is talked over, disrespected, ignored, or pushed out. To me, this cost is far greater than the cost of losing my physics degree.

I invite all those who remain in physics to pay attention to how you feel in your lab, classroom, or workplace. How are your peers speaking to you? How are you speaking to your peers? Are you able to express yourself there? Are you making room for others to be their authentic selves? If we all turn to each other with love and intention, we may not have to listen to stories like mine for much longer.

Anna Perry